January 18, 2012

This is most definitely the hardest thing I’ve done.  Being a mommy is hard.  It’s fun…rewarding…exciting…the best thing I’ve ever done…but also the hardest. 

On Sunday, I had to watch Alyssa (our middle child) go through something I had hoped to avoid. 

Chase was napping.  I was resting.  Matt took the girls on a bike ride.  They had a blast and went two miles.  Our house was just around the corner, but Alyssa was going too fast and her bike tipped.  She tried to catch herself and hurt her wrist.

I could hear her crying as she came in the house, but that’s what Alyssa does.  She was tired, so I figured she got a scratch on her knee and she was overreacting…until I heard Matt’s reaction.  I could hear the concern in his voice and affirming her tears.  Uh oh.

When I saw her wrist, I could tell.  I’ve had my fair share of broken bones and I can almost always recognize the signs. 

Alyssa was holding her arm and making funny noises because of the pain she was in.  Matt put ice on it and then we came up with a plan for him to take her to the doctor and I’d stay with the other two kids at home.

It was hard for me to stay at home.  Being a stay-at-home mom, I witness almost every significant moment of my kids’ lives.  It was difficult for me to miss this one and to not take care of her when she was in so much pain.  However, Matt becomes “Nurse Daddy” and is almost always the primary caretaker when the kids are sick or hurt.

Matt kept me up-to-date about the process and notified me when the x-ray showed “broken.”

Immediately, feelings arose inside of me that I didn’t realize were there.

You see, I’ve broken quite a few bones.  And, I still vividly remember the feelings associated with breaking a bone…frustration, missing out on things, frustration, sadness, frustration…get the idea??

I’ve cried several times (after Alyssa has gone to bed) because I hurt for her.  I hate that she has to go through this and I want to take it away.

She has done AMAZING and has only had a few moments of crying.  But, tonight, while getting jammies on, she got frustrated and started crying.  I reminded her that I’ve broken several bones and asked if she wanted to see a picture.  Her face lit up and her tears dried up.

I was 8 and had to have my arm set out in front of me.  Horrible.  I missed summer, I had an awkward cast, and it was my dominant arm. If that will help her through this, than it was worth going through!!

As her mom, I keep thinking about my parents…all that they had to watch me go through…and just stand by my side and help me through it.  How frustrating to not be able to take away the pain or do anything but just hold your child.

Well, now I’m that parent.  Oh, sweet Alyssa, if I could take away your pain I would.  If I could have a broken arm instead of you I would.  If I could make it all better I would. 

But since I can’t, I’m going to trust the ONE who can.  I’m going to trust that God will heal you…take care of you…teach you…and show you more of Himself through this process. And, always remember, I’m your Mommy and I’ll be helping you through this…praying you through it.  We can do it together with God’s help.